It’s finally happened. After threatening to retire for what seems like every offseason of his career, Aaron Donald, the most terrifying defensive lineman in recent history, has fucked off to do whatever enormous rich people do when they retire. The Rams are about to find out what happens when they
Offseason stories
Friday Morning Brain Farts/Carpenter Jorb
In lieu of actual prose, here's some randomness to waste time while waiting for DJ 3000 to reload munitions from last night's operations the playlist. I semi-successfully managed to get through my first week as a 9-1-1 operator without causing any serious harm. So, that's a plus. Somehow I've managed to
Oh Boy! This guy again?
BHB12BBBB: Pac It Up
By Popular Demand: College Football Realignment
A Thursday Afternoon Carpenter Existential Experience!
Your “How the Hell Is it Mardi Gras?” Open Night Chatty-Chat
Seriously. T-Swift can'y even stand yet after post-Owl celebrations her and Travis have been doing, and it's friggin' Lent tomorrow. On Valentine's Day! Anyway, it's Mardi Gras tonight, so NAWLINS had to have been weirder than normal this past weekend/week. I'm grew up Catholic, and now generously describe myself as "lapsed" at
Ballsy’s Mock Draft for 2024
Your 2023 Yinzer Forecast:
I apologize in advance for the litany of "Pickett's charge" memes we may be exposed to going forward. This isn't to say PICKETT'S GAHNTA SUPERBOWL all UrinatingTree style. I honestly have no clue what to make of Kenneth Shane Pickett. He looked fine at times in 2022, after Tomlin wasn't feeling like Kissing
Chapter 5: Alive in Dove Valley
[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] [chapter 4] Russell Wilson awoke to the sound of Sports Center. Clean white sheets and sanitary plastic bed-rails enshrined him. He heard the sound of his daughter enjoying a game on her iPad, and his wife trying not to argue with a nurse. An oxygen mask sat snugly
Chapter 4: Beneath Dove Valley
[chapter 1] [chapter 2] [chapter 3] ---------- Russell Wilson awoke to the sensation of dripping water. As his hands searched for purchase on the slick stone floor, they scraped across several crusty pores and sharp cracks in the uneven surface. He picked himself up slowly, stifling a cough and begging for relief from his
Chapter 3: Dove Valley Elementary
[chapter 1] [chapter 2] ---------- The school's front doors weren't supposed to be unlocked, but they opened freely at Russell Wilson's touch. The heavy metal doors clacked closed as the QB found himself alone in the atrium of Dove Valley Elementary. Though it was a lively place during the day, the charm and